Don't F With Me I Live in Chicago

My Shopping List

1 Carton Newport Ultra Menthol

1 Gallon Popov Potato Vodka

3 Cases Schlitz

5 Nudey Mags

6 lbs Grade D ground chuck

DFWM.

Sick?

If you've been in the ICU for three weeks and your organs are functioning at less than 50%, then maybe you're sick. Otherwise you better get your ass up and trudge to the Red Line in unshoveled 3-ft snow banks. Sick. Please. DFWM.

Mike Ditka > Chuck Norris Part 2

Mike Ditka makes mountains cry. And he does interviews in his underwear:

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/david-kaplan-chicago-sports/2010/01/mike-ditka-gets-angry-in-his-underwear.html

Back from Vacay.

Not that you missed me, but I wanted to just let you all know. Also, I take vacays whenever I want. DFWM.

O'Hare Airport

You'll get a flight out when we say you can. Chumps! DFWM.

Mrs. O'Leary's Cow

...may not have started the Chicago Fire, but I can tell you that every time we hang out the night ends with arson. DFWM.

Thomson Correctional Center

Security risk? I'd like to see federal inmates try to escape. I only have a bb gun and a Pomeranian for security, but I'll still take a mother-effer down. DFWM.

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= DFWM

Barack Obama Guest Blog

I'm the motherfucking PRESIDENT, bitches. DFWM.

It's Dark

...and we're wearing sunglasses. DFWM.

I shower

...every morning with the dirty snow that's piled in the street in front of my house. Conserve water, bitches. DFWM.